I sometimes I just don't know where to start.... I feel like in this moment I'm so sad and wish I could wake up from this bad dream. Then when I really think about things I feel like I'm so selfish for thinking like this! There are so many people who have it so much worse than I do, but there are so many who have so much less but have something that I desire to have more than anything in the world: kids.
Some days I just sit and cry. I know that the wounds are still fresh and I'm still healing, but will the pain ever go away? I envy all these pregnant women I see and all these new moms. Right now I should be very pregnant or have a sweet little baby in my arms right now but I don't. It makes it even harder going to my best friends house and seeing her baby, holding her baby, watch everyone go nuts over him, seeing her post pictures, seeing her post things on facebook about how amazing he is, how much she loves him, ect. I feel like a complete ass when I write this or feel this but I can't help it. I guess because our babies were due just weeks apart it hits home and just having another miscarriage last month my emotions are high and I haven't told anyone other than my husband and one of my closest friends who is like a sister to me. So holding all this in makes it so much worse but I don't know how to bring it up or even if I want to. My last miscarriage was awkward to talk about and have to tell people about after it happen.
I guess i'm a little emotion today because aunt flo showed up and i'm just not feeling too great & sometimes I just have to let it all out. I guess today was just a hard day. This month has just been hard, being that I had my first miscarriage 9 months ago and the baby would be due any day.
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