Being Thankful!

I've decided to be more thankful! I know it's easier said than done, but i', going to try my hardest to do so! First off, we finally found out we will be closing on our house NEXT month!!! February 14th to be exact :) What a sweet, sweet Valentine's day gift!!! I joked with my hubby about this cause last year he surprised me with an iphone and this year he is buying me (us) a house! I said I couldn't imagine what i'm going to get next year ;)

 Last night I had to pick up pictures from walmart and stopped by the paint section :) I seriously can't wait to move in and make this house a home! 

We will be moving in on the 19th or hopefully 5pm on the 18th but we'll see! It's been a little more complicated because 1. it's a short sale & they are anything but short in length... it's quite a long process! 2. There are tenants living in the house and by Oregon law we have to give them 60 days to move out- I have a rant on this but I will continue to be thankful the process is almost over:) hence the reason we can't move in for a few days after we close! 

So in a nutshell: I'M SO STINKIN' STOKED!!!!!!

I love my in-laws and am so thankful they have let us stay with them, but I am so happy to be able to move out of their house and move back out on our own! 

In other news, my car has been out of service for a little over 2 week! You never realize how important those things are until you don't have them anymore! So so so so so SO thankful that my in-laws let me borrow their van/gave me rides AND perfect timing that my bestie just had her baby and they don't need her car right now. God's timing is so perfect and I'm so thankful for it!

Feeling blue.

 I sometimes I just don't know where to start.... I feel like in this moment I'm so sad and wish I could wake up from this bad dream. Then when I really think about things I feel like I'm so selfish for thinking like this! There are so many people who have it so much worse than I do, but there are so many who have so much less but have something that I desire to have more than anything in the world: kids. 

 Some days I just sit and cry. I know that the wounds are still fresh and I'm still healing, but will the pain ever go away? I envy all these pregnant women I see and all these new moms. Right now I should be very pregnant or have a sweet little baby in my arms right now but I don't. It makes it even harder going to my best friends house and seeing her baby, holding her baby, watch everyone go nuts over him, seeing her post pictures, seeing her post things on facebook about how amazing he is, how much she loves him, ect. I feel like a complete ass when I write this or feel this but I can't help it. I guess because our babies were due just weeks apart it hits home and just having another miscarriage last month my emotions are high and I haven't told anyone other than my husband and one of my closest friends who is like a sister to me. So holding all this in makes it so much worse but I don't know how to bring it up or even if I want to. My last miscarriage was awkward to talk about and have to tell people about after it happen. 

 I guess i'm a little emotion today because aunt flo showed up and i'm just not feeling too great & sometimes I just have to let it all out.  I guess today was just a hard day. This month has just been hard, being that I had my first miscarriage 9 months ago and the baby would be due any day.

Recap of 2012

What a stinkin' year! I can't believe we are in 2013 already! It's had its ups and downs but overall what a great year! I'm not going to lie, this past year has been the most challenging year yet but I wouldn't change it. I wanted to write this post and share all the fun times I've had this year with family and friends! 

Fun with the girls:

 Court's birthday!

 Whit and me!

 Bekah, Whit, and I

 Spontaneous trip to the craft warehouse with the girls!

  Day at the lake with the girls!

My little rascals:

 My niece and I watching tv

 Field trip with the big bro's class- the kiddos I nanny

 I love them to death- H & F

 Walking sis to class and giving her kisses- so sweet!

 My niece and Nephew- E and C- Hubby's sisters kids

 H & F being silly!

 My sweet sweet niece in her outfit I got her ;)

 Christmas tree decorating time!

 Reading with little Miss!

 Little Miss drawing on the walls- uh oh!

Little Miss turned 1!!

Best friends on New years!

All in all this was a great year! God has truly blessed us and I know he has so much in store for us in this coming year! I can't wait to make some more amazing memories!

New Adventures!

I'm so excited to report that I got a new job! For the last 6 years i've been a nanny part time and I have worked at a retail store part time. I have to say I am absolutely in love with the kiddos I watch. They are my favorite little people ever! I've basically helped raise them. I just love them to death and am so so so sad to leave them. However, for the store i've been working at since I was 18 - I am beyond THRILLED to give my two weeks! 

I don't like to talk bad about my work situation but I feel like retail stores are just greedy and corporate only cares about money money money. For the last 1 1/2 - 2 years have just been just horrid! I love a few of my co workers and will miss them dearly but most of the other I am so thankful to be saying goodbye to! People can be so harsh and cruel and cause so much drama! It's sad when you have more drama at your work then you did in high school! A lot of these girls are older than me and are mothers and grandmothers! So to say I am beyond happy, blessed, thrilled, excited, happy happy happily blessed is an understatement! 

I had an interview with a sweet couple and I got a call the next day to see if I could come over again! I'm going to be a nanny again but to a sweet little boy and his cousin! It's actually a super small world- she is friends with a girl I know, she happens to be the aunt to the kids I have been a nanny to for the last 6 years. So in April when she goes back to work I will start the job! Thank you Jesus for answering my prayers! 

Life's unexpected twists!

I've wanted to start a blog for a while now and never knew what I would write about, until now. 

In May my husband and I decided that we were ready to start a family! It was so crazy having him come to me and tell me he was ready! I did tell him on my 24th birthday that he better get ready because I wanted to start trying and have a baby soon, and by 25 I wanted to be pregnant or start. He just laughed it off! If anyone knows my hubby he's never really been a huge kid person (unless they were middle school aged or older:) so him coming to me about baby time it just melted my heart! 

So we started trying like that second ;) nothing sweeter than your man wanting to make a baby with you, right?! It didn't take long and we were already pregnant! We were so stinking excited! and in that week that we started trying our best friends announced they were expecting their first baby! so about a week later I found out I was too and it was so exciting to both be pregnant at the same time! Well, unfortunitaly it was short lived for us, a few days later I started bleeding! I was crushed! 

So after that heartbreak it took me awhile to want to even start trying again and when I was we were in the middle of selling our house and moving in with my in laws until we found a new house.... So here we are almost 5 months later still living with them and trying to get into our new house (it's a short sale so it's taken months!!) So needless to say living with in laws who are retired and ALWAYS home it kind of puts a damper in the baby making business or love life period. However we actually were able to get pregnant again! 

I found out a week before Christmas that we were expecting again! I was again so so so so stinking excited and didn't even want to think of a miscarriage this time around, i figured that it's common to miscarry your first pregnancy so I wasn't going to let that bring me down or worry me cause it's not healthy! We choose not to tell anyone this time just in case! Last time we told a handful of close friends and it was awful to have to talk about the miscarriage! Well, on Christmas eve I started to bleed and had another miscarriage. It was seriously the worst feeling in the world to have it happen again! 

I'm so heartbroken and don't even know how to handle it. Some days are better than others but with the due date of my first pregnancy just a few weeks away and this all happening again it just hurts so bad. Not to mention so many people are announcing 1st, 2nd, and 3rd pregnancies and I want to be so happy for them and I am but it also hurts me to know i'm not pregnant and who knows when it will be my turn! 

I'm trusting in God to help me through this because I can't make it without him. Some days it's just so hard! I have a doctors appointment at the end of the month and hopefully they can help me out somehow and help me figure things out. 

So with all this being said, I'm starting a blog to help me through this dificult time! Hopefully at some point I can have weekly pregnancy updates. Until then this will be a place for me to gather my thoughts and help me release some of my thoughts, sad, happy, exciting, or anything else!